Evangelion Crossovers That Should Not Be
by Kriegsherr
Summary: The title says it all... Short, single chapter crossovers with Evangelion that should probably been left alone, but ended up better than expected... I'll update with new stories as they come to me! Enjoy!


As much as they should not be, though, I just **_had_** to do these crossovers… Before I get into things too deeply, for anyone that's read any of my other works and has been wondering where I've been, I apologize for the long wait since I last posted anything. Real life kicked me quite hard, and I've only recently been able to get back to writing. 

Anyway, this is what insomnia for a good period of time followed by a decent amount of sleep does strange things to one's psyche... Hmmm, either that or my muse hit me in the head with a big damn stick when I wasn't expecting it! Knowing my luck, it's probably the latter, because my headache lessened slightly when I finished this... -_- Anyway, I'll probably have other short stories like this one in the future, so if you don't mind the craziness, watch for them. Anyway, on with the aforementioned craziness (after the requisite disclaimer, of course! ^_^ )! 

**Disclaimer: Studio Gainax owns Neon Genesis Evangelion. Any other name or product is registered, trademarked and copyrighted by their respective owner(s). Should they or the appropriate legally affiliated entitie(s) request it, I shall remove this fan fiction from the Web. Thank you.**

The Thing That Should Not Be

The catapult slammed into its stops, launching Evangelion Unit-01 and Zeruel, the fourteenth angel, high into the air. The display was almost graceful as they arced through the air, only to land with an earth shaking crash almost half a kilometer away from the catapult. Shinji Ikari, the pilot of Unit-01, had willed the gigantic machine to shift itself so that it would land on top of the angel. 

He then willed the machine to begin smashing the fist of the still intact right arm into the angel's face, his own face lit in a nearly maddened grin. After a moment of this, Shinji willed the Eva to grasp the face of the angel, and then to pull and twist at it. Then, just as it seemed the face would come loose of it's moorings, Unit-01 released a pitiful whining sound, the batteries depleted, the machine falling into a relaxed, unmoving position. The angel reached up with a razor thin arm, wrapping it about Unit-01's head. It drew Unit-01 back, and then with a contemptuous flick, threw Unit-01 against the side of NERV headquarters. 

On the ground outside of an entrance to the pyramidal headquarters of NERV, the command deck crew had gathered around to watch the battle. From among them came the forlorn cry "Oh, no, not now!" The cry had been uttered by the operations director, Major Misato Katsuragi. She looked on, hoping for some miracle from beyond to save them, even as hope slipped away as Zeruel blasted away the protective chest plates covering the core of Eva Unit-01. 

Within the entry plug of Unit-01, Shinji yanked at the controls, screaming against the fate that had befallen him as the angel beat its arms against the core of the Eva. Then he heard the most horrific sound of his life as the Eva's core began to crackle from the angel's intense beating. "I'm sick of it already," he cried despondently, "Why can't you move you piece of junk…?" Just then, he heard a sound, a sound much like a heartbeat, which resounded throughout the entry plug, down to his very soul. 

Eva Unit-01 awoke with a low growl, its eyes aglow in an unearthly, pale white color. The angel, sensing the danger Unit-01 once again presented, drew its right arm back, then thrust it forwards with the greatest force it could. Unit-01 reached up and with splayed fingers split the angel's incoming arm like a spray of water. After the arm stopped moving, Unit-01 grasped the angel's split arm and drew the angel to itself and impaling the angel's eye on the horn atop Unit-01's head. With a low, menacing grunt the angel was kicked off of Unit-01, who then rolled forward to a kneeling position, holding the scraps of the angel's arm to the stump of its own left arm. To the shock of all gathered about the base of NERV headquarters, the sections of angelic arm merged with Unit-01's stump, and then, amazingly, reformed the arm fully. 

Then Zeruel threw its remaining arm forward. With a vicious downwards slap Unit-01 not only shattered the arm, but also the AT field protecting the angel. Unit-01 slouched down, ending up in what was nearly a runner's crouch, and then leapt forwards, slamming itself into the angel with immense force. The angel's eye glowed for a moment, and it tried to force itself up, looking at Unit-01 in preparation of releasing a beam of destruction against the Eva. Unit-01 slammed its now intact left hand down upon the angel's face, piercing the glowing eye with its thumb. 

"This is impossible… How can Shinji's synch ratio be over four hundred percent?" asked the astonished Maya Ibuki. Then, as if it were some kind of animal, the Eva began to devour the angel. Maya turned her head to the side, barely holding in the contents of her stomach. 

"She's taking the S-Two organ inside of her!" Cried Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, horrified by the sight. Unit-01 took that moment to stand from its fallen foe, roaring in triumph. The Eva flexed, shattering plates of armor with its movements. "She's breaking free from our bindings!" 

"I thought that was armor?" asked Aoba over the latest, surprisingly human grunt from Unit-01 as it flexed again, causing more armor to fall from its form. 

Ritsuko glanced back, her face indignant and horrified at once. "The secondary purpose of the plates was as armor, but the primary purpose was to keep her under our control…" 

Ritsuko was so intent on her ranting at the tech that she hadn't seen the latest change in Unit-01, and most of the bridge crew was too shocked at the display to do more than gawk. Misato Katsuragi, however, was still in control of her senses enough to attempt to get the blond scientist's attention. "Um, Ritsu…?" she said in a far calmer voice than her emotions should have allowed. 

"Now that she's free," continued the scientist, heedless of Misato's call. "There's no telling what will happen!" 

"_Ritsuko_!" Misato called with much more urgency. 

"_What is it , Misat-…_" Ritsuko's impending tirade stopped cold as she took in Misato's half smiling, half confused face. "Huh…?" Ritsuko asked, completely at a loss for the sudden change in the Major's demeanor. 

"Um, _she_, Ritsu…?" she said, pointing towards where Unit-01 was now emitting low, very human sounding grunts. 

Ritsuko looked over to the now rather more human looking than it should have looked Unit-01, the grunts and animalistic growls now having given way to strangely human murmurings. Ritsuko once again stood transfixed by the sight before the entirety of the Geofront. Standing fully as tall as Unit-01, the form was quite obviously masculine. Unit-01, whose body was now bulging with muscles, slowly reached up to its face, easily ripping the ruined covering from it's head, drawing an apparently much needed breath with relish. 

"**_THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!_**" screamed an utterly shocked Ritsuko. "**_THIS JUST SIMPLY SHOULD NOT BE!_**" she continued, her shock growing by the second. 

"You know, Ritsuko, I _completely_ agree with you on this…" added an equally shocked Misato. 

"I don't know… He _is_ kind of cute at least…" said a somewhat distracted sounding Maya. Several members of the bridge crew turned their heads towards Maya, various degrees of shock on their faces. Misato and Ritsuko also looked at her, their intense glances only getting her attention after a moment of gazing upon the monstrosity of masculinity before them. "Well, he _is_, in a sort of overly muscled kind of way…" 

"But that's… That's…" Ritsuko stammered, for the first time in very many years at a loss for anything to say. So she settled for favoring Maya with a look of disbelief, her left eyebrow and right eyelid twitching in incredulity. Misato didn't even have the willpower to attempt words. She bent forward at the waist as if punched, clutching her gut with her arms. She managed to half turn so she could watch events unfold further. Slowly sinking to her knees she began to tremble, trying valiantly to keep her laughter in check. 

While this was happening, Unit-01, sans armor, stepped over Zeruel's eviscerated corpse, walking towards the lake at the bottom of the Geofront. He looked down into the pool, and then reached up and smoothed a few stray strands of his bleach blond hair from his forehead, back into the meticulously kept hair-do. After a moment, he looked over towards the ruined NERV Headquarters building, and an arrogant, yet strangely winning smile came over his face. "Man Ah'm pretty!" he exclaimed in a slightly nasal voice that vaguely resembled that of Elvis Presley. That was it for poor Misato. She could no longer take holding the laughter back, and let it flow from her in a wave of helpless amusement. 

The giant man's eyes widened after hearing the explosion of humor from Misato, his smile widening in happy anticipation. "Woah, Momma!" he exclaimed again, running at high speed straight towards the gathered crew, causing most to panic and attempt to find cover from the rapidly approaching monstrosity. "Kinda drafty in here…" he said, mostly to himself. He came to an impossibly fast stop before the group, the ground barely shaking despite his size. "Hey there, Pretty Momma! Ah'm Johnny, Johnny Bravo, and you would be…?" he asked the laughing Misato, who had finally gathered enough willpower to speak while laughing.

"Unavailable…" she managed to push out before a new quail of laughter overtook her. 

Undeterred, the giant calling himself Johnny Bravo turned to Ritsuko. "How 'bout you, hot 'n' tiny scientist lookin' Momma," He asked, his voice dropping into his best attempt at a sexy murmur. "Would you like ta get ta know the Giant Size Johnny better…?" 

Ritsuko, who was barely containing her mingled amusement and fury turned, looking up the length of Johnny's body. "Not even if you were fully clothed…" She said in a deadpan voice, her face now set in the professional mask of a doctor. 

Johnny looked down at himself, noticing for the first time that he was without a stitch of clothing. His eyes widened and he unleashed a very unmanly screech of shock and covered his nether regions as quickly as he could. He then turned and ran as fast as he could towards the eviscerated body of Zeruel, jumping behind it and the trees that were there. He looked out towards the gathered technicians, the quaver in his voice and the look on his blushing face quite embarrassed. "Hey, there, any chance of you having any giant size clothes around here for me…?" 

Within the pyramid that was NERV headquarters was a massive office. The Tree of Sepherioth was carved into the red marble of the ceiling, casting an ominous red glow onto the two men situated at the desk in the middle of the office. The one that was standing glanced over at his superior, a smile threatening the corners of his mouth. "So, Ikari, was this part of your scenario all along…?" Kouzou Fuyutsuki, the Sub-Commander of NERV asked Gendou Ikari, the Supreme Commander of NERV operations. 

"Yes…" Gendou replied, pausing ominously, "Everything is going according to the scenario…" 

********

Heh, well, there you go! I hope that you liked it, or at least got a bemused chuckle out of it. At any rate, have a good one, everybody! 

-Ciao for now!  
Kriegsherr 


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